I knew I wanted to be an art teacher for literally as long as I've had any conscious memories. Literally. I may have said once or twice that I wanted to be a singer or something silly like that, but it's always been art teacher. Really! Why? I don't know that I can really tell you exactly what it is that made me say that from such an early age, but teaching and art both run in the family - so I guess I just got the best of both worlds! This photo was taken at my grandmother's house when I was three or four. Painting on coffee filters - such a classic in the 90's, right?
I'm a proud graduate of Kent State University; everyone in my family has at least one degree from Kent State so it was kind of a given that's where I'd be attending. Plus they do just so happen to have an out of this world art ed program, so there's that! I'll be the first to admit I thought getting a job after graduation would come easy. I was finally legally allowed to do what I've always wanted to do, so obviously someone would give me a job, right?
Wrong. I had never known such gut-wrenching heartache in all my life. That summer after graduation, I probably filled out 40+ applications and attended interviews at nine different area school districts. I learned very quickly that when people say they'll call you back either way, they don't always mean it. And even if you think you had an awesome interview and would be a great fit for that district, there very well could be someone they already know and have in mind who will get the position no matter how outstanding you are. I really am an optimist, so don't take that as me being a super negative Nancy here, but it's the truth! I think understanding the politics and reality TV show game-like strategies is the toughest lesson to learn when you're first looking for a job. Because you know you deserve it!
The ninth school I interviewed at was, I'll be totally honest, a place I had never ever not in a million years heard of before seeing the posting online. It was for a long term sub position for the entire school year - while not the most ideal, it was still something! So I set out on my 45+ minute drive from home to the interview (I even got in an accident and was 20 minutes late to my interview!) and I played it off like I would be the perfect fit and that I knew so much about the district, as you do, always. Even though in reality I know nothing. Not. A. Thing! Fortunately, I landed the job. Somebody was finally crazy enough to give me a chance!
I got to work decorating that classroom faster than any other teacher in the building had even really started to prepare for the imminent back to school time. I just couldn't help myself - I finally had a classroom that was MINE! (well... at least for a year) Here it is!
There I was, the epitome of your stereotypical "white girl" from a large upper-middle class suburb referred to as a "bubble" teaching in rural Ohio with more students who lived on farms than I knew existed in the area. I started the year with the best intentions and high expectations for both myself and my students. I assumed drawing on my own high school and student teaching experiences would be quite applicable in this environment, and I was excited to apply the skills I learned along the way. The first time I learned this place would be different, though, was on the second day of school. I don't think I'll ever forget it. I tried to start class and give basic instructions/reminders about something when a freshman blurted out, "Why don't you just shut the efffffff up already and just let us work without interrupting us?" To say I was shocked would be the biggest understatement of the millennium. Never in my whole entire schooling would anyone have even dared to do such a thing, especially loud enough for the entire class and teacher to hear! When I graded their SLO pretests later that week, I was disgusted less than half of them could actually name the three primary colors. You learn those in kindergarten! And every year of art after that! They never go away, how could they not even know them as high schoolers?
It didn't take long for me to feel ashamed and disappointed in myself. The results I saw from my students were less than ideal in my mind to say the least, and I blamed myself. I knew I was capable of producing MUCH better work with students, so obviously it was me that failed them, right? Well, it took me a long time to admit that this thought was wrong. In my mind, I was comparing apples to oranges. I was comparing what I knew my own peers in high school had done to what these kids in an entirely different setting with an entirely different background could do. I wasn't being fair to them and I wasn't being fair to myself. Realizing this, though, took months before I really internalized it. I think it was the first time I had to really accept that not everyone is just like me... and that's okay!
The rest of the year was filled with ups and downs - thankfully more ups than downs! I chose to use my students' lack of exposure to the art world and support from other avenues in their lives be a motivator for me to challenge myself to concoct new ways of getting them excited about art. I started giving them more choice in materials, subject matter, and I started to incorporate a weekly video of the week every Friday featuring a contemporary artist working in nontraditional means. These moves were rocky at first, but they ultimately laid the foundation for me being able to build the best relationships with students I could have possibly imagined. I became so proud to be such a positive part of their lives, and it was a privilege to see and work with them everyday. I absolutely miss them, but I'm so proud of everything they gave and taught me - things I'll take with me forever undoubtedly.
While the students themselves gave me infinitely more rewards and satisfaction than I could have hoped for, it still wasn't the best fit for me overall. I found it to be too small of an environment and seeing how easily other teachers reached a level of complacency with their teaching scared the living daylights out of me! I worried that if I stayed there I may never uncover or achieve my fullest potential as an educator. And I was not okay with that.
So, time came for more interviews. Another 20-30 applications and interviews with four more districts happened before I got the answer I wanted. But to be fair; it was totally worth the wait. I got the exact answer from the exact place I wanted all along. Finally, all the rejection, stress, and crying nights (let's be honest, you did it at least once too!) were over and I could celebrate! And celebrate I did! I got the official word on my last day of school, so when I came back into the room after letting a few key people know they surprised me with this, and I'm soooooooooooooooo glad my one super snoopy student thought to grab my phone and capture the moment for me! The most priceless photo I have of myself to date.
Three weeks into the new school year at my new dream school, I've realized just how much I have to be grateful for last year. For starters, I basically got a full year free of any consequence of formal evaluations and all that mumbo jumbo. I got to try out any and all of my own lesson ideas, and I had an administration that was excited by my willingness to do so in spite of simply being a long term sub. I've learned to be humble and embrace humility as I appreciate all that I have now after having to work that much harder to achieve it.
With my new students, I often find myself wondering how anyone decided I was responsible enough to teach students last year. Why? Because I can't even put into words how much more confident and sure of myself I am this year in comparison to this time just one short year ago. And that excites me tremendously because I can only imagine the things I'll never ever worry about or be weary to try in a few years time. I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything, in fact I'm far from that, but I have become such a believer in knowing all the magic I can make happen now. I always knew I had it in me, but actually knowing from seeing it happen is just all the more validating.
In the end, I would not be where or who I am right now had I not fudged my way through my ninth interview and pretended to know way more than I really did. I would not be the teacher I am today had I not been graced with students with far different lives from me to force me out of my comfort zone. I would not have the appreciation for life I have today if I had not had to work my way up in order to prove myself. Moral of the story: sometimes, the places and things you've never heard of or think very little of are exactly what you need to propel you to where you aspire to be.
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